This week’s reflection addresses self-harm and suicide. Those topics may be difficult for some; please take care and know that you have permission to skip this if you need to. There is always help available at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. 

 

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.

     Lord, hear my voice!

Let your ears be attentive

    to the voice of my supplications!

-Psalm 130:1-2

September is Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month. The most recent data, from 2023, reminds us how serious suicide is: in 2023, suicide was the second leading cause of death for people under 44. The age group with the highest rates of suicide, however, was those aged 85+, with 22.7 of every 100,000 dying by suicide that year. Men die by suicide at four times the rate of women.

Statistics are important, of course, but sometimes they can gloss over the fact that each of those numbers represents real people. Many of us have our own stories of finding ourselves in the depths of despair and wondering if there’s any point in continuing. We might think of loved ones whose lives ended too soon, by their own action. We might wonder what we could have done, if we could have done anything to prevent such a tragedy.

While it’s true that some things are simply beyond our power, there are ways we can respond to a crisis moment to prevent suicide. Dr. John Draper, a psychologist in the field of suicide prevention describes three Cs of suicide crisis response as connection, collaboration, and choice. Connection implies that the person in crisis is made to feel understood and not isolated. Collaboration involves working collaboratively with the individual to investigate and identify potential solutions. Choice involves empowering the individual by involving them in the decision-making process for their care and recovery. These are things all of us can do, especially connection. You can listen. You can take time for someone who is in the depths, like the psalmist, crying out for God to listen– in that moment you are the ears of the Body of Christ, called on to listen with love.

One last thought. You might have noticed that I speak about suicide by saying that someone “died by suicide,” not “committed suicide.” Words matter. We “commit” crimes and sins. Suicide is neither. It matters because I never want anyone who is in that place of deep pain to feel further isolated by the belief that what they are contemplating is evidence of their own evil. 

In fact, this is a conversation I regularly have with middle schoolers at church. Every other year, we watch a movie about the life of Martin Luther, who himself seems to have called out to God from the depths on occasion. There is a scene where a man who has died by suicide is taken to be buried, and one priest attempts to refuse the burial in the cemetery on the grounds that a suicide is unforgivable. Martin Luther insists that death by suicide is more like being attacked by brigands in the dark of night, and that no one can be faulted for falling in such a circumstance.

I suppose I’d add another C to the list: compassion. As the fictionalized Martin Luther shows, compassion for the one facing suicide is the Christ-like response. We are called to love and understand and care for one another. In so doing, we pull one another out of the depths and back onto solid ground.